Armand Mauduit just moved. Tonight he sits in his new kitchen. He finished his dinner, comfortably seated at her kitchen table. Turning her head slightly to the left, he can see the continuous line formed by the stove with his oven, dishwasher, washing machine and the sink.
The former owner left him with a fully equipped kitchen. The units are in new condition, even if they are a few years. He inherited the same coffee machine is placed at the end of the table. Armand is rather user Mauduit Italian coffee maker. But why not try another route to the black brew which he dedicates a special affection? That said, and with all due fairness, the comparison turns, according to him, the undeniable advantage of the Italian way. But few
sectarian, it alternates: when pressed, it emphasizes the power when he has time, he returned to his coffee with the hiss has always posting fun.
Tomorrow, Sunday, Lisa comes to breakfast. He opted for a roasted chicken with roasted potatoes also. He recalls with satisfaction the plump bird, a farmer, who sits enthroned in his refrigerator. In the process, came to his mind the other stores are doing this afternoon. The freezer is filled with no excess. Mr. Armand do not stack.
On rising to go into the dishwasher, where it will store the dishes in the evening - which will join the previous day - His eyes fell on the oven. He remembers when the former owner has reported that he had not had time to clean it. Not that he was dirty, "he said. He does not cook much. But still ... In any case, there was a system of self cleaning.
Armand remembers so it will take place this evening en route for self cleaning the oven is ready to receive the next roast chicken and potatoes. It is true that the oven is not really dirty. He examined it. But cooking a chicken in an oven that has been used for another, which keeps track of fat and food projections Foreign ... Of course, a chicken - or a roast - is a chicken, whatever the person begins to cook. Although ... The quality of the bird - farmer or not - selected ingredients to add flavor, doneness can be indicative of the person.
Anyway, he did not want to trust his chicken to an oven soiled with another. But as he waited for the last time, tonight he must conduct himself with self-cleaning.
The first thing to do is to consult the manual of the oven. Everything is carefully stored in the cabinet drawer along near the door. Armand M. leafing through the booklet and found the section on cleaning. He reads it carefully. The explanations seem simple. But am aware that the acting out is often problematic. So he prefers to wrap several times the various operations to be performed before launch. The choice is between this two forms: self cleaning immediate or delayed. The second option is cheaper but takes longer. Nowhere is it mentioned how long. Armand Mauduit no longer surprising: there are always those instruction manuals, white, as if the author proposed a riddle - unless this is a trap - to users. Let's trust, "he said. They must know what it is. He opted for the deferred option formula, which spends less electricity. The operation is slow and consumption in the furnace to be heated less.
Armand Mauduit therefore presses designated buttons. It has retained all three lights concerned - green, orange and red - must go out one after another. This will be a sign that all is well. A sort of buzzing noise is heard soon. The thing looks good.
In the wake of technical maneuvers, our proud owner decides to start machine wash his dishes. He never before had this kind of device. He lives for years, usually alone and did not feel the need.
But progress is offered comfort. Why sulk? After filling of liquids suitable openings in the machine, he starts. Now the hum of the machine cycle reserved for dishes in addition to the hum of whose function is to cook.
that was missing was the spitting of the coffee machine and the whirring of the washing machine to give her ears a quartet of music concrete kitchen. But it has already made a machine in the morning and do not drink coffee at night. Still: he finds himself contemplating with some tenderness these devices that ease life of drudgery.
After a last look at his little world of technology in action, it turns out the light from the kitchen and joined his room, peace of mind. He falls asleep on the vision of a kiln free of any dirt, ready for the Sunday chicken.
the night, he wakes up, how often to go to the bathroom. He tries to outwit the need to pee. But he is soon obliged to rise. He knows he will then take time to sleep. Returning toilets, it has an unusual sensation of heat. It undoubtedly comes from the kitchen. He directs them in the dark, distinguish the glow of lights from the oven. He was surprised: he seemed to recall that they should be extinguished. What time is it? A glance at his watch the information: two in the morning. A quick mental calculation confirms the obvious: he had to turn the oven to self clean 22 hours. It should be cleaned well. But two out of three lights, orange and red are always lit. And he did in this kitchen a warm oven ....
He shrugs, exasperated against himself in this irrelevant joke he made to himself. He knows one thing: if he wants a chance to go back to sleep, he must flee this place. Without really thinking, driven by a kind of instinct, he goes to the switchboard and lowers the handle corresponding to the kitchen, welcoming the passage, having entered below each controller, the corresponding room in the house . He dare not imagine his mood, had he been at night, to experiment to find the right joystick.
Once in bed, he tries not to question why, four hours after the start of cleaning, both lights are still on three toes. What a mistake he committed? It summarizes, in spite of himself, the various actions he has made to achieve self cleaning. Self-cleaning, not self cleaning! Not so sure ... What word do we employ? How to remember? That is not the problem! But if he does not even know if we say self-cleaning or auto cleaning, how would it be able to know what he did with those damn buttons! Without notice and in the dark. Yes, but the record is not better. He followed the foot of the letter, this leaflet and here it is. He exhorts
calm, breathe deeply. To clear his head, he thinks that Lisa is coming tomorrow. Alas! it is brought back into the oven, since it was invited to breakfast and lunch ... He has the feeling of being surrounded, whatever they think. He disappears under the sheets. The wing of despair would have touched, if a thought had not then made, saving. It cut electricity! This oven will not damn the law! Want to warm to rhyme? Well, it's still my decision here. A sly smile that he imagined his lips relaxed. Then he hugged
nostalgia evoking his old furnace that was abandoned by moving. It was not so many stories, this one. It is cleaned by hand, simply. With the product, or even with a sponge and a scraper. The image of his old cook fleet before his eyes. What happened to it? With this way of new, nobody had a grudge and it eventually scrapped. He sleeps on a poignant sense of regret.
He wakes up late and grumpy. He pasty mouth and an overwhelming desire to coffee. Once in the kitchen, he goes to the coffee machine. When where he puts on the button "in", he recalls, noting he does not turn red, the current cut. Grumbling, he goes to the switchboard and deliver electricity. When he returned to the kitchen, it lacks drag on the ground, he finds that it is indeed wet. What happens is there? He looks down: a puddle of water spreads outside the door of the refrigerator.
the power turned off, it sank. In a sudden movement, Mauduit Armand opens the device when the temperature is just cool. He remembers the provisions in the freezer. There is no time to lose. We must pour down there at the top. Frozen food should never refreeze thawed ... And everything is. He began to empty the freezer and refrigerator to cram in content. It welcomes the transition from not having filled excessively.
But the effort fasting exhausts. He has more than ever need coffee. He crawls towards the coffee machine. When he puts the button on the "in" a strange noise is heard. Feeling shy heat rises. Armand Mauduit, reluctantly, turned to the oven, without believing. But yes, all three lights are ablaze, self cleaning is left as if nothing had happened.
Armand Mauduit surprised himself by falling into an acute form of despair or not to indulge in destructive rage. A stupor, due in part to lack, lack of coffee, fortunately protects the excesses to which the situation could have taken. It is driven by an obsession: to drink his coffee. It seeks a cup. But they are in the machine dishwashing. It forces a bit to unlock the door of the machine, while saying that a cup washed on the draining of the sink would have cost less effort. When the lid flap, he saw the machine at the bottom of a water and soap. It did not last as it should. Armand Mauduit instinctively passes a finger on the first dish that comes along, and already knows it will be as fat as when he placed there the day before or the day before. It reproduces the same thing on another cloudy, with a clear conscience he will get the same result. Still
away behind his mattress daze, he leaves a cup, a knife and a spoon and rinse them thoroughly under tap water, reviving a gesture traditional, if not traditional, since tap water has not always existed. And he can not help thinking:
"It's much easier to wash dishes at the tap."
And then we hear in the air already hot from the kitchen that cry:
"But what I have to fuck her dishwasher! "A little
relieved by this outburst is understandable, the man covered his wins at the show. There is no question that lunch in the kitchen, where heat rises inexorably, where the hum of the furnace is combined with the sputtering of coffee in a duo no longer music, but hell. Still a chance that the dishwasher itself or you.
When he returned to Brewer, another disappointment awaits him, as it is true that misfortunes never come singly. He looks in vain for her beloved black liquid in the container authorized to receive it. This is definitely empty. The water remained at the top, where he paid earlier. The powder in the filter es t dry, devoid of any moisture. Yet the button is on the "in" position, the lamp lit. But most other no sound comes out of the machine. He is bent on the button, off, back on. It even pushes the machine, finding the rage of the child who gets on the solid object.
Then there is too much. He lets himself into a chair. Tears well up in her eyes. His gaze wanders, pathetic, or on the kitchen yesterday, he sat, happy, proud gaze of the alignment of its aircraft. And the envy of coffee in the back stabbing and saves a reduction which could lead to serious ends.
He rises, propelled by a query.
"there's Nescafe? "He pulls
his seat and rushed to the cupboard. Search feverishly. And substance hidden by other provisions usual, his hand hits the surface of the upper box. When he checked out, it reads "Ricoré. Whatever! Provided he has the illusion of feeling run down his throat dry and hot liquid black. The imagination does the rest.
When it's warm water, it almost surprised to see the gas light. With town gas, there are no surprises. Not like these hotplates that take a long time to warm-up. Luckily the kitchen is free.
He captured the pot with his simmering water to the living room, not without looking bad in the oven. He can not tolerate the vision of the heating device in action. It burns at first taste, so great was his haste to swallow his nickname coffee. He winces when the taste of the beverage substitution reached its taste. The coffee is related to distance. He chews on a slice of bread without butter. He has no courage to face his refrigerator cluttered with food he does not know how he is going to consume them within the required time.
his empty cup, he feels a little exhilarated. Not without regret, he rose to head toward the kitchen. It searches the record of the oven he stored the previous day. A sense of self compassionate hugs. Poor him, had he known, by classifying the damn book ... But at the same time recognizes the wisdom of providence - it is not believing - that leaves us in ignorance - blissful - the future ahead. Yes, but it was expected that the furnace would cause so many problems, may be he would read the manual even more attention, probably he would have avoided the worst ...
"What good is asking all Questions? " he said, kneeling in front of the camera for all its hardships, to better examine the buttons, record in hand. LEDs orange and red are switched on donations, but the green is off. The operation is on track. Mauduit Armand decides to attempt the impossible: moving from self to self clean program immediately. The idea of brushes that is a risk, but it is so exasperated by the heat that invaded her kitchen that is not really capable of reasoning. This event, the transition from one program to another, is nowhere mentioned.
"I'm not surprised it's so stupid machine. If at least it always did what he command ... "
images of rampaging robots assail his mind. But he goes further. Awakens in him the desire to control, that old human reflex whose origin is lost to the confines of our origins. It never be said that the object, its creature, he resists.
He starts turning a knob. Then another. And now the green light comes on again. Armand Mauduit is then taken to a rage that comes from deep within his brain, which brings the early hominids. It supports all buttons frantically, shaking the oven gets up to better tap it with his feet alternately.
And then he falls down. And finds that sits in a puddle. It takes a few moments to understand it more from the refrigerator - it has covered just now - but probably the dishwasher. He remembered the soapy pool seen at the bottom of the device: it has flow out behind ... the wet, he gets up, stiff as he spoke of these robots, a while ago. Armed with a mop, sponge it on ground, something evil is good, dry quickly.
Fire cheeks, he stood up and think later. Already 11 hours. Lisa will be coming to 12.30. He rushes on the phone.
"Lisa, listen, I thought we could go to a restaurant, it would make an exit ..."
It follows on the face of Armand Mauduit the vicissitudes of his conversation with Lisa, happily surprised by this program change She sees nothing wrong and will be there on time. Then, on prompts the caller - it can really take your time, it's Sunday - it accepts without difficulty to postpone half an hour he came.
Lise is not history. It may not be a beauty, it is not an intelligence uncommon, but it is not annoying. Armand Mauduit welcomes chance. Women have become so difficult ... And this is what he hears. It is always dropped him, he has flair. Once a pain in the ass by that cross, he identifies and avoids the collision.
Once the handset rested satisfied with the resulting delay, he took refuge in her bed. The folded blankets to the top of his head, he closes his eyes, put earplugs, and attempts to place themselves in voluntary interruption of consciousness. He set up a mental guard every thought that stalking inappropriate and removes instantly. This
hello from domestic public gives modest results. After a short respite, the issues are linked. What will he do? The porter's lodge is closed. No store does not work on Sundays. And what a shame ... even compared to Lisa. What will she think of a man unable to navigate the buttons on an oven? It is often compliment him on his strength - when he opens a bottle. That's the only thing Directory - traditionally given to humans - to which it is not refractory. Lise
believed capable of avoiding all the traps that this plumbing, electricity and piercing the walls, the three mainstays of domestic knowledge attributed to the male. If she knew when to plant a nail, but rather on his hand that the hammer tends to land. As for the drill so dear to his colleagues, he has an absolute obsession, as is panic fear of seeing it turned against him. If
wants to keep the love of Liza, better not mention the history of the oven. But anyway, he said: she does not know me at the bottom. Is that she loves me or a picture of me? Is not this an opportunity to compare the image to reality?
The risk of losing his aura with Lise, encourage ridicule, not conducive to what they say, with feelings of love. Although ... Women have a mother's heart always ready to soften the weaknesses of a man in whom she found the little boy they have had or will have.
Anyway, it is well to notice the heat that reigns in the kitchen and win the whole apartment. She wants to assist in preparing the appetizer, she will follow in the kitchen ... So, a light suddenly illuminating the spirit hunted by Armand M. A first image looks like: his mother leaning on an oven, then another: Lise charging a flat in the camera ... The association is a natural oven, women. Who does the cooking? Who makes cooked them? How is there not thought of? Lise must obviously know how to clean and self-cleaning oven. He heaved a huge sigh of relief that releases all the tension of that awful morning. He will say:
"Imagine that ... But me, home appliances, I do not know. You, I'm sure it's a had a child. You make so the kitchen. "The honor will be safe
. It will not make fun of him. The oven is not a male. It will give him the opportunity to demonstrate superiority over him. With a beautiful spirit, he does a bit of cleaning and preparing carefully.
The bell rang at 13 o'clock. Lise is there, all smiles, a little package wrapped by hand. She always has a gift for him. He kisses her with an outpouring from the recognition that early. He led the show by protecting it from his arm as if to remove the undeniable warmth that has invaded the premises. Moreover, only installed on the sofa, she remarked:
"It is very warm home. They do not heat up again when same? "
She posed in a mysterious package wrapped her on the table adjacent to the couch. He did not even think to exclaim, as is the custom:
"It should not! It's too nice ... "
He thinks only one thing: the oven. Exactly, his remark about the heat is a hook. He will hang his problem immediately. With a smile that feels very wrong, he began:
"To get hot, it's hot ... Imagine ..."
Lise listening with his customary expression of benevolence. She stops just to get the additional information useful, in his confusion, he forgot to give.
Then she gets up and offers to go.
"I will leave the leaflet? asked Armand.
"I'll try without. The practice is better than their explanations. I understand they t'aient confused, my darling. "He knows
, Lisa always takes his party. She understands. This is the record which indicates the error and not him who is unable to read.
When they are in the kitchen, Lisa looks with an air of competence the heating device. She squatted to better scrutinize the buttons, then turn one of them with the assurance given by the certainty of being in true. Armand, where he is believed to guess that this is the "Stop" button. And it is sure to have, also supported it. But he soon finds that all three lights are now extinguished. Never happened to him in over a curb, green. He opened his eyes to convince the undeniable reality: on the camera screen, no glimmer of no color sparkles more.
Lisa gets up and turns to him:
"I think it will go. It should press "stop", my darling. " Armand
Mauduit, in a whisper, articulates :
"But I pressed on it."
"Yes, but you, at the same time, pressed the others. That had to cancel the effect off "
" That was ... stammers Armand Mauduit, all sense of shame.
"It happens, you're perhaps upset, there's plenty ... the oven, it's not your domain".
She adds that with this cruelty gives unconsciousness or innocence:
"I, if I was asked to repair an electrical outlet ..." It Considers
inside the furnace, through the window and said :
"In any case, you have a spotless oven. To be cleaned, it is cleaned! Now we must wait until it cools. "
a tone he wants happy, the owner of the oven cools announcement:" We will use it again. Today I'm taking you to the restaurant! "
He leads the show to offer him a drink. He then noticed the small table on the package she brought. She has a mischievous smile, looking undo colored twine around the bundle. Soon appears a box of chocolates. Mr. Armand does not lend itself to immediate attention the form of sweets. Then, taking one, he realizes that it reproduces a small hammer. He exclaims: "It's awfully good imitation! "
" Look at the other, my dear ... "He discovered
rummaging through the box that the chocolates are shaped tools, nails, screwdrivers, crescent wrenches. The resemblance to the real thing is amazing. Armand M. manipulates chocolates, divided between surprise and doubt.
Why did she choose this kind of candy?
He looks up at Lisa. She smiled and he thought he detected an expression on his lips mischievous. He stammers to give a capacity: "Where'd you get that? "
" It's original, right? I thought you might like this ... "
please him, please him ... What does she mean by that?
But he refrains from asking for further clarification.
The mystery never gets very light. Armand Mauduit did not understand most of what had happened in her kitchen that night he managed to decipher the meaning of the words of Lisa. And continued to wonder if there was a relationship between the two phenomena.
Anne Zelensky
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